April 26, 2024

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Today’s Forecast

55º | 80% chance of precipitation
Sunrise 6:05 a.m. | Sunset 8:12 p.m.
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🎶 ‘I don’t want to set the world on fire’

Nuclear winter? Pshaw. Have the studio execs visited Portland in January? | Photo by Liz Lauren

Whether you’re new to the end-of-the-world genre or are a diehard fan of Bethesda’s original video games, “Fallout” — a popular show on Amazon Prime set in a post-apocalyptic Wasteland — is a thought provoking and morbidly funny take on mutual assured destruction.

Although this tale plays out in the arid, contaminated remains of Southern California, we think post-nuclear war Portland would’ve been a better setting — and here’s why.

Disclaimer: We are extremely happy that it’s water, and not radioactive particles, raining down on us. This is a fun story based on a TV miniseries — and intended to be taken lightheartedly.

A Vault Boy animated character from Fallout smiles and does finger guns at you, while people file into an underground vault in the background. — Vault Boy says not to stress.
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Gif via Giphy

Vault dweller’s dream

The main protagonist, Lucy MacLean, is a vault dweller who’s grown up in a community deep beneath the surface. Their mission is to survive and one day repopulate America, but she and her fellow blue-and-yellow jumpsuit clad neighbors are woefully ignorant of the reality above. Portland is actually home to a bunker built for a similar purpose — the Civil Defense Underground Headquarters at Kelly Butte was constructed in 1956 with 26-inch concrete walls, in case we ever needed a subterranean city hall... or TV set?

S.P.E.C.I.A.L skills

The higher your experience, the better equipped you’ll be to weather what may come. Who better to train your star-studded cast — or any aspiring survivalist — in such abilities than the folks over at Trackers Earth? They teach handy classes on everything from blacksmithing to archery, foraging, and other wilderness techniques. Seems like those are the friends you want to have.

An elephant at the Oregon Zoo rests its trunk on a fallen tree. — We prefer our pachyderms of the pacifist variety.
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Photo by cascadevideoproductions

Mutated monsters

True, the show’s characters already encounter some pretty terrifying creatures — think: giant cockroaches and a massive salamander thing called a gulper — but can you imagine what horrors would develop in the Oregon Zoo? Evolved elephants that spray acid out of their trunks or naked mole-rats that come for you in the night — no thank you.

Who knows, maybe we should hold out hope for Season 2.

Events

Friday, April 26

Paula Rosen Jewelry x Mercantile Portland Trunk Show | Friday, April 26-Saturday, April 27 | Times vary | Mercantile Portland, 729 SW Alder St., Portland | Free | Shop the wares of this renowned mosaic artist and jewelry designer from Venice, California.
Dueling Piano Show | Friday, April 26-Saturday, April 27 | 7 p.m. | Barrel Room, 120 NW Couch St., Portland | $15-$48 | Your requests create the setlist with this exciting back-and-forth performance style made famous in Las Vegas.
Comedy Night | Friday, April 26 | 10 p.m. | McMenamins Al’s Den, 303 SW 12th Ave., Portland | $10 | Get out of the rain and enjoy underground comedy (literally) at this show hosted by Brandon Lyons.
“The Mummy” (1999) and “The Mummy Returns” (2001) | Friday, April 26-Saturday, April 27 | 8:30 p.m. | 99W Drive-In Theater, 3110 Portland Rd., Newberg | $0-$10 | Brush the dust off your sense of nostalgia and hop in the car to take in this double feature filled with ancient Egypt adventure and Brendan Fraser.

Saturday, April 27

TEDxPortland | Saturday, April 27 | 9 a.m. | Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay St., Portland | $89-$179 | A fashion influencer in her 50s, a NASA physicist, Modest Mouse, and other movers and shakers take the stage for this event’s 12th year.
82nd Avenue of Roses Parade | Saturday, April 27 | 9:30-11 a.m. | Eastport Plaza, 4040 SE 82nd Ave., Portland | Free | Cross your fingers for a rain-free morning at this celebration on the eastern side of Portland.
PanCAN PurpleStride Portland - The Walk to End Pancreatic Cancer | Saturday, April 27 | 10:30 a.m.-1 p.m. | Portland International Raceway, 1940 N. Victory Blvd., Portland | Free | Join this nationwide fundraiser to remember those lost and celebrate survivors of this disease.

Sunday, April 28

Writing Haiku in Nature | Sunday, April 28 | 10 a.m.-12 p.m. | Bird Alliance of Oregon, 5151 NW Cornell Rd., Portland | $25-$35 | Scribble of feathers, pollinators and plant life, while in the forest.
“She Persisted: The Musical” | Sunday, April 28-Sunday, May 26 | Times vary | Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, Portland | $26-$49 | This tale unfolds as a fourth-grader visits the Women’s History Museum, where she embarks on a time-traveling journey to meet female trailblazers of the past.

Events calendar here

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News Notes

Opening

A new tasting room is coming to Dundee on Friday, May 10. The joint venture between Lytle-Barnett and Aubaine will pair the former’s sparkling wine with the latter’s single vineyard estate chardonnay and pinot noir. During May, 5% of sales will benefit ¡Salud!, which provides accessible/affordable healthcare for vineyard stewards and their families.

Coming Soon

Montavilla, how does a new bar and record store sound? Replicant Bar and Bottle Shop will open next month alongside City Noise Records — patrons can enjoy Mexican wines and PNW beers while listening to LPs. (Eater Portland)

Trending

The power to not pedal is growing in popularity around Portland. E-bikes are on the rise, with 17% of cyclists opting for an battery-fueled assist. If you’re feeling left out, you can enter the Portland Trail Blazers’ raffle for a custom UBCO electric motorbike. (KGW + KOIN)

Civic

Next month’s ballots will pose the question of penguins to voters. More specifically, the public will decide whether or not to fund capital improvements for the Oregon Zoo through a proposed bond measure, which would also bring upgrades to the sea otter and giraffe enclosures. (The Oregonian/Oregon Live)

Ranked

Hotel Lucia landed on Tripadvisor’s annual Travelers’ Choice Awards Best of the Best Hotels list — a collection put together based on “a high volume of above-and-beyond reviews and opinions” over a 12-month period. Of note are the downtown Portland lodging’s pinball machines, hip decor, and its pet-friendly policy.

Sports

The University of Oregon spring football game is this Saturday and there are going to be some big-name high school players on campus for the scrimmage (and Mat Kearney concert). Hear how the event will impact recruiting in Eugene from Locked On Ducks.

Home

Did you know you could finance your fixer-upper with home equity? You could get up to $50K with a HELOC — calculate your payment.*

Watch

For the first time ever, Hulu Live TV is offering a three day free trial. Get 33 of the top 35 cable channels, Hulu on demand, Disney+, and ESPN+.*

Read

The preeminent poem in all Port-Land

A top-down view of a laptop sitting on a table with an open notebook and pen sitting on top of it. Next to the laptop is a latte in a mug atop a white saucer. The latte has a foam heart on top.

Drumroll, please. | Photo by Pixabay via Pexels

This month, we ran a poetry contest to celebrate National Poetry Month. We challenged our readers to craft a poem using only the words that appeared in one of our newsletters (here are the original contest guidelines if you want to give it a try).

Without further ado... Congratulations to Sarah M., whose way with words won over our readers with more than half the votes.

The poem’s original format was adjusted for space — slashes indicate line breaks.

“If a Word Appears Once” by Sarah M.

Titles are / Transient and / Match how / You please / But / Play with the / Art form / And / Make / Witty scenes

The sky / Over world, / An impeccable / Fit / Resembling / A frolicking / Bubbly / Ball pit

A poem / To submit / For artists / A tip / An / Original contest a / Virga visit

Read the other finalists

The Buy

A women’s pastel, oversized button-down — because you can’t go wrong in it for spring. Bonus: This one’s 100% cotton.

Answered

How many times do you take your pet for a walk each day?

A little cockapoo in a purple harness walks underneath Sellwood Bridge. — City Editor Ben’s dog Liv has little legs but loves long walks.
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Photo via Ben McBee, PDXtoday

38% said three or more times
37% said twice
25% said once

Good for you. We’re sure your furry friend appreciates it.

Take them on a hike

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The Wrap

Today’s edition by:
Ben

From the editor

Arguably, what’s stuck with me the most from playing the “Fallout” games as a teenager is their old-timey soundtracks, which feature songs like “The Wanderer” by Dion, “Aint That A Kick In The Head” by Dean Martin, and as you read in the lead’s title, “I Don’t Want to Set the World On Fire” by The Ink Spots.

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