That is quite the spread. | Map via Google Maps, graphics via Canva
After several hours toiling in the kitchen, the table is set. With the help of some reader input, we took a stab at answering this question:
“If Portland is the turkey of a Thanksgiving feast, then what side dish is each of its suburbs?”
Admittedly, we bit off more than we could chew in coming up with these comparisons, but all are prepared with a healthy dose of humor and lightheartedness — less David and more Alexis, for fellow “Schitt’s Creek” fans.
Beaverton — Stuffing With a world-class performance arts venue and a flourishing culinary scene, this quintessential suburb has much of the flavor of its big city neighbor.
Vancouver — Gravy It doesn’t take a stretch of the imagination to see the Columbia River as a delicious glob o’ gravy, and just think, if we didn’t have the bridge, we’d need a boat (eh?) to get across. Plus, it’s literally on top of everything.
Hillsboro — Green bean casserole You probably only go there once or twice a year — maybe for a Hops game or Top Golf — but it’s usually worth it.
Tigard — Green salad This southern suburb is home to plentiful green spaces and nature parks, and if you squint your eyes at the way I-5, the 217, and 99W come together on a map, the shape sort of resembles salad tongs.
Gresham — Cranberry sauce Chances are you have strong opinions about this dish, but whether you take it or leave it, there’s something to be said about its fruity tang, lower cost of living, proximity to Mount Hood and the Gorge, etc.
Lake Oswego — Dessert Do we have to say it? This one is… rich. But let’s all admit, if we could have a larger slice of their pie, we would. Speaking of... pumpkin or pecan?
Portland Trail Blazers vs. Utah Jazz | Wednesday, Nov. 22 | 7 p.m. | Moda Center, 1 N. Center Court St., Portland | $13+ | Making something out of nothing — if that’s jazz, then the hometown squad might have a chance.
In Gratitude Sound Healing Meditation | Wednesday, Nov. 22 | 7:30-9 p.m. | Awakenings Wellness Center, 1016 SE 12th Ave., Portland | $22-$40 | Recharge your batteries with a chance to reflect on what you’re thankful for in life.
Shafty: Portland’s premier tribute to Phish | Wednesday, Nov. 22 | 8 p.m. | Star Theater, 13 NW Sixth Ave., Portland | $15-$25 | “Run Like an Antelope” to see this cover band play all the hits, like “Farmhouse” and “You Enjoy Myself.”
Thursday, Nov. 23
Tofurky Trot | Thursday, Nov. 23 | 7:30-11 a.m. | Oaks Park Dance Pavilion, 7805 SE Oaks Park Way, Portland | $0-$35 | Burn off some calories to make room for the deluge of green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, and pecan pie later on.
Friday, Nov. 24
39th Annual Tree Lighting Ceremony | Friday, Nov. 24 | 5:30-6:30 p.m. | Pioneer Courthouse Square, 701 SW Sixth Ave., Portland | Free | Gather ‘round the 75-ft tannenbaum for a holiday sing-along, all leading up to Santa flipping the switch on over 9,500 LED lights.
Saturday, Nov. 25
“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” | Saturday, Nov. 25-Sunday, Dec. 31 | Times vary | The Judy Kafoury Center for Youth Arts, 1000 SW Broadway, Portland | $25-$35 | The holiday classic soars off the screen in this musical adaptation of the beloved television special.*
Black Saturday Dark Beer Fest 2023 | Saturday, Nov. 25 | 6-9 p.m. | Uptown Beer Co., 6620 SW Scholls Ferry Rd., Portland | $30 | Surrender to the dark arts of craft brewing and sample 25 beers, a majority of which are over 10% ABV and barrel aged.
Sunday, Nov. 26
Holiday Pet Portrait Fundraiser | Sunday, Nov. 26 | 1-5 p.m. | Mutts Coffee, 4925 SW Angel Ave., Ste. 100, Beaverton | $80+ | Join Phido Photography to get your pup’s good side and support Angels With Misplaced Wings in Vancouver.
The turkey is in the oven... and you realize that you don’t own a baster. We’ve all been there. If you’re in dire need of a grocery store on Thanksgiving — or an excuse to get out of the house — it’s helpful to know which ones are actually open. (The Oregonian/Oregon Live)
Seasonal
Starting this Friday, Black Santa is back in town with a big bag of gifts and dark roast coffee. Reserve your spot to meet and take photos with Saint Nick, aka Leroy Barber, at locations across Portland and one appearance in Salem. (The Oregonian/Oregon Live)
Civic
Gov. Tina Kotek formed Portland’s Central City Task Force over the summer — a group of community members, business owners, and local government that has been working on solutions to the city’s challenges. They will share their recommendations at the Oregon Business Plan’s Leadership Summit on Monday, Dec. 11. (KOIN)
Feel Good
At 29, Beaverton resident Katlyn Genovese suffered a stroke that left half of her body paralyzed, caused by a brain aneurysm that doctors believe she was born with. Five years later, she’s earned a degree in criminal justice (with a 3.95 GPA) and she’s climbed Mount St. Helens. (KGW)
Plan Ahead
Silver Falls Winter Festival will return Saturday, Dec. 9-Sunday, Dec. 10, with guided walks and interactive activities, like crafting a wreath, building a bird box or feeder, learning to ID mushrooms, and more. Participate in five or more to receive a commemorative ornament.
Closing
Sunday is the last chance to get your hands on a Kenny & Zuke’s sandwich, as the business is closing its final location on North Williams Avenue. For 16 years, the chain offered New York-style Jewish deli delights like pastrami on rye and bagels, but had to close several locations and file for bankruptcy in 2019. (Portland Tribune)
Shop
Have an active loved one on your shopping list? Upway delivers rigorously inspected, certified, and 99% pre-assembled ebikes from top brands(think:Specialized, Aventon, andSuper73) directly to your doorstep. Get up to $1,200 off for Black Friday, and score free express shipping with code TREE.*
Wellness
Did you know some foods contribute to unwanted pounds, especially around your midsection? Three common breakfast foods can act like glue and attract fat — this video explains how.*
Don’t forget to pack extra patience in your carry-on bag. | Photo via Port of Portland
Planning to fly out of Portland International Airport for the Thanksgiving holiday? Well, you’re certainly not alone. Officials expect 240,000 travelers from today through Sunday, Nov. 26, and suggest that you arrive 2.5 hours early for domestic flights (3 hours for international trips).
Taking to the sky is only part of the equation; some aspects of ground transportation have changed recently.
Each lot and garage costs $4 an hour; beyond that, the price per day is as listed:
Short-term parking | $30/day
Long-term lot | $24/day
Economy lot | $15/day
Because there’s only one main terminal, all of these parking options are either within walking or shuttle distance of TSA and your gate.
The rideshare pick-up/drop-off location is now at the Transportation Plaza inside Level 1 of the short-term parking garage.
Is anyone else watching “Life on Our Planet” on Netflix? The show has revived the dinosaur obsession from the fossils of my childhood with incredible special effects, wildlife footage, and narration from Morgan Freeman. If you’re curious about how the Earth (and Portland’s eventual location) changed with the tectonic drift, give this interactive tool a try.
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