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Portland’s suburbs as Thanksgiving side dishes

We don’t mean to add any salt to the family debates over the holidays — just a bit of flavor to the conversation.

A map of Portland and its suburbs shows clip art graphics of various items from a Thanksgiving feast.

That is quite the spread.

Map via Google Maps, graphics via Canva

After several hours toiling in the kitchen, the table is set. With the help of some reader input, we took a stab at answering this question:

“If Portland is the turkey of a Thanksgiving feast, then what side dish is each of its suburbs?”

Admittedly, we bit off more than we could chew in coming up with these comparisons, but all are prepared with a healthy dose of humor and lightheartedness — less David and more Alexis, for fellow “Schitt’s Creek” fans.

Beaverton — Stuffing

With a world-class performance arts venue and a flourishing culinary scene, this quintessential suburb has much of the flavor of its big city neighbor.

Vancouver — Gravy

It doesn’t take a stretch of the imagination to see the Columbia River as a delicious glob o’ gravy, and just think, if we didn’t have the bridge, we’d need a boat (eh?) to get across. Plus, it’s literally on top of everything.

Hillsboro — Green bean casserole

You probably only go there once or twice a year — maybe for a Hops game or Top Golf — but it’s usually worth it.

Tigard — Green salad

This southern suburb is home to plentiful green spaces and nature parks, and if you squint your eyes at the way I-5, the 217, and 99W come together on a map, the shape sort of resembles salad tongs.

Gresham — Cranberry sauce

Chances are you have strong opinions about this dish, but whether you take it or leave it, there’s something to be said about its fruity tang, lower cost of living, proximity to Mount Hood and the Gorge, etc.

Lake Oswego — Dessert

Do we have to say it? This one is… rich. But let’s all admit, if we could have a larger slice of their pie, we would. Speaking of... pumpkin or pecan?