This time of year, new beginnings and transformation are top of mind in many aspects of our lives, including our relationships. Read: It’s a great time to think about what is or isn’t working in your relationship.
We recently caught up with Dave Lowe, MS, LPC of the Couples Clinic of Portland to discuss the Gottman Method and how it can improve your relationship. Here’s what he had to say.
Q: What exactly is the Gottman Method?
A: This approach to couples therapy is based on 50+ years of research on what makes relationships work and what makes them fail. It’s not just some person’s opinion. An in-depth assessment of the relationship is used to develop a treatment plan to address and help correct the bad parts, encourage more of the good, and integrate research-based interventions to teach better ways of interacting.
Q: What are some of the goals of this method?
- Build connection and friendship
- Disarm problematic communication patterns
- Increase intimacy and affection
- Remove barriers that create a feeling of distance
- And create an atmosphere of curiosity and heightened empathy that leads to better communication understanding, and empathy
Q: This time of year many people are thinking of transitions and changes to bring into the new year. What is one piece of advice you have for couples as they look into 2025?
A: Many people might suggest that putting an intense focus on managing or resolving conflict would be good advice to start the year out and trying to manage conflict isn’t a bad thing. However, the Gottmans’ research indicates that small loving actions done every day are what make relationships good.
With that in mind, I would suggest putting effort into building a culture of expressing fondness, admiration, and appreciation. The Gottman’s found that people who have great relationships have 20 positive interactions for every one negative interaction. Saying things like “I love you,” “thank you,” and “wow, you look great today,” are easy positive interactions that anyone can do.
Q: Who can benefit from the Gottman Method?
A: The Gottman Method is great for couples at any stage of their relationship, regardless of their race, class, cultural or sexual identity. For example, couples dealing with high conflict; couples recovering from affairs; straight, gay, lesbian, polyamorous couples; and couples who just want to have the best relationship they can have or just want a tune-up.
Interested in working with Dave? He’s available in person or online for couples therapy — schedule a session.
