Through good times and bad, it doesn’t hurt to have outside support when you’re in a relationship.
We recently connected with two counselors from the Couples Clinic of Portland to break down why it’s important to have individual support along with couples counseling. Here’s what they had to say:
Q: What do you think are some of the benefits of seeking individual counseling outside of or in addition to couples counseling?
“Relationship is a mirror,” says Scott Miller, an individual counselor for adults. “Sometimes, when we look in that mirror, we may notice aspects of ourselves that we want to understand more deeply, not just for our well-being, but so we can show up as partners, parents, and friends we aspire to be. Individual therapy provides an opportunity to do that work so that we can return to our relationships in ways that feel vital and enriching for ourselves and those we care about.”
“Individual counseling on its own can provide a space for people to process emotions, understand themselves better, explore big life decisions, identify needs and boundaries, process trauma, and in general provide help working towards whatever goals are important to them,” says Nicole Apted, an individual counselor for adults. “It can be helpful to have a space set aside to talk about difficult things and to receive unbiased and open support for whatever people might be going through. Individual therapy can be a great place to explore what changes people would like to make and can help increase motivation to make those changes as well.”
Q: In your practice, how have you seen individual counseling help your client’s relationships?
Miller says, “I’ve seen my client’s relationships benefit from:
- Learning how to identify and express how they are feeling.
- Better understand the ways in which their emotional life and personal needs inform their relationship patterns.
- How communicating their personal needs and setting healthy boundaries can help them take good care of themselves and others.
- Getting clear about what matters most to them.
- Having a safe and supportive place to heal through pain and to feel empowered going forward.
- To learn to be kinder to themselves and less self-critical.”
“I’ve seen a few shifts in clients’ relationships as a result of individual counseling, including understanding their needs in a relationship better, identifying their boundaries in a relationship, being able to clearly express themselves in a relationship, as well as understanding themselves more clearly and feeling more confident in themselves and their relationships,” Apted says. “Individual counseling while in a relationship has helped clients move from a place of not being able to communicate with their partner to being able to listen to their partner and truly hear what they are saying.
In my experience, clients are able to move through their own trauma, and in turn, their relationship feels richer and more satisfying. Clients have expressed a more thorough understanding of why they react a certain way to their partner’s words or actions and, from there, have been able to shift their response in the moment.
Clients report being able to be more present with their emotions during conflict, and in turn, they are able to understand what their partner is saying and feeling more clearly. By seeking individual counseling, you are working on one half of the relationship, and by working on one half, we can shift the dynamics of the whole.”
Interested in working with Nicole or Scott? Both offer free 15-minute consultations — schedule yours.
